I’ve been thinking about my word for 2009 for nearly a year, after I first discovered Ali Edwards’ blog and saw the post with everyone’s words listed.

I love words — hearing them spoken, especially when unexpected phrases sound magical (just watch any West Wing or Grey’s Anatomy episode); I love reading them, seeing the power people have when they share their truths, their stories and struggles and celebrations. And I love writing words — expressing myself in ways I could never capture in person or out loud. I love getting them out of my head to make more space for new ones. I love sharing them with my friends and keeping their words to reread again.

My word for the year is momentum.

To keep up with running, which I only started in October. I already know that if I take two weeks off (I’m talking to you, Christmas break…), I’ll have to go backwards for awhile. If I keep up with running, if I do it consistently — not necessarily even running a lot of miles, just continuing to run — then each time will get easier. I won’t fight with myself about hitting the pavement. I will know I can handle it, even if I run out of good songs on my iPod.

I also want to focus on keeping the momentum once I am moving and running, especially when I’m by myself. I give up too easily when I run outside of my class. I still don’t know what I’m capable of and I’m constantly surprising myself with what I can handle, but I still give in too early. Like when I’m bored. Or don’t think I can push through the hard part that sucks out my breath and tires my legs and makes me want to just fall on the ground. In class, I get to that point and keep going, and then it’s manageable. I struggle with breaking that barrier when I’m not surrounded by my class or coaches. Times like Saturday (my first five-mile race), I surprise myself by what I’m capable of running. And then there are times when I can’t even hit two miles on my own. I know can handle two miles, but I have a harder time convincing myself on my own.

I also want momentum in my writing and this blog. I’m getting better about writing every day and wasting less time with things like facebook. In 2009, I want to keep up writing consistently, but also want to write more. I need to take the next step to get what I’ve handwritten on to the screen.

I need momentum to keep writing, even when I think it’s crap or I get lost in all the other ways I could be telling a story or worry that it doesn’t sound like me. I need momentum to move past my fears that someone will not like what I have to say, or think it’s stupid, or be disappointed or judge me. Momentum to just write when I doubt my words and voice and soul. Oftentimes when I’m trying to figure something out, I shut myself up, when what I most need to do is keep the story going, to keep the words flowing out of me. These are the times I most need to keep writing. Even when the words feel jumbled and confusing and scared.

And while running and writing are activities I want to keep up with, I need to get the momentum going with design. I treated myself to a new macbook pro last fall (my first non-Dell computer) and I have all the design software a girl could want. But when I have free time, I gravitate to reading and writing. One of the things I find comfort in is that when I don’t feel like using words to express myself, I can design something that still lets me feel like I’m telling a story. But for whatever reason, I’ve avoided opening InDesign like it’ll chop off my fingers.

One of my goals down the road is to design (and sell) cards. Cards have been an interest of mine since high school, when I started collecting them (what high schooler does that? Seriously?). They’re what I hang up in my room as art work (if you don’t think they can be pretty or inspiring, check out StoryPeople and KOCO New York). I love them. I want to make them. I know that I can make them, but for some reason I can’t take that step to, you know, actually doing anything.

For all the things I want to do and keep up with, I realize that I can’t have momentum unless I take care of myself. Eat right. Get enough sleep (hello 10:30 bedtime). Exercise. Listen to my body when it’s in pain. Ignore my body when it just wants to stop because it’s bored or because it’s the point where I’ve always stopped before or it doubts what I’m capable of. My mind may have other plans, but I have to treat my body kindly in order to keep up with them.

Momentum is more about staying strong, being consistent and not giving up than being the best, the fastest, the funniest. Momentum is about surprising myself of what I’m capable of.

Momentum is my 2009, and I’m so intrigued to see where we take each other.